I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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