i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Everything about him screamed your future.
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.