I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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