How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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