just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
