I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
