you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need to stop coming to work sober
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
