after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
