My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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