It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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