So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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