Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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