I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i dont even know how to be here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
