I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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