Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's blow job season.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
