i permit you to call me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
