sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
