you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
