I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
