Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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