Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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