very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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