I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
