I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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