Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
