physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
