I just saw a hot homeless man
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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