So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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