that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
