I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
