i just google imaged poop.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
