ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
MIDGETS
????
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
