i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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