Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
