I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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