it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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