I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
