is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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