Quick, to the slutcave!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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