Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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