I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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