Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
