One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
