Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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