It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
