I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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