I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
