I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
