Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize