dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
