i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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