I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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