You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
